pure.thoughts.create

2006-10-05T20:16:00.000+08:00

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

When you're lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

a record of God's faithfulness

2006-06-25T18:28:00.000+08:00

1.prayed for help in doing logistics for music min retreat. (because i am a scatterbrain.)
God provided everything! (even at last min :P)

2.He reached out for me at music min retreat when i became very discouraged in my walk with Him.
Amazing grace~

3.asked for help during a camp where i was leading a group of kids when things started to fray. thought we were going to end up in a climatic conflict on the last night when we had to plan skit!
amazingly, we had a decently funny skit which everyone was happy to act in.
its a miracle, i tell you.

4.got scatterbrained and left my wallet and hp in the esplanade toilet.
prayed desperately that i'll get them back!

too scatterbrained to realise i could have called my hp to find out who picked it up :|
the kind soul called my friends one-by-one till one (elaine!)offered to pick it up from her.

5.stressing about whether "pursuit of holiness" was what God wanted for our cell group to do because:

No 1. It wasn't the latest book on the theme of holiness that the author wrote so wasn't sure if it was the best.

No 2. The book was out of stock in the 2 biggest bookshop before i left for the above-mentioned camp and the book was needed right after the camp.

No 3. Its an uncomfortable topic.

called someone to search the bookshops before i went for camp and called him on the last day of the camp (which was the day before the group session)

me: hey ian, did you manage to get the materials for our group?

ian: er... they're giving it out free in church to fathers for Father's Day.

*right*

me: hi cynthia (a staff member in church), may i ask where the church got the copies of "pursuit of holiness"? been looking everywhere and we can't find enough copies.

cynthia: oh, we ordered them directly from US. (which normally take about a month or two to come in??)

me: ??!!

cynthia: i can give you all the copies you need though.

and they were free!

providence and answer rolled into one.

hit the play button

2006-06-21T12:26:00.000+08:00

music day!

hmmm~~~

2006-06-21T12:18:00.000+08:00

2006-06-21T11:58:00.000+08:00

felt like listening to this all of a sudden

indie rocks

2006-04-09T00:39:00.000+08:00

i have discovered a new band to listen to by using lastfm.com in conjuction with radioblogclub.com.
go listen to "tiny vessels" by Death Cab for Cutie.
and no its not goth.

i made a new resolution to not be a bimbo. i've been obbessed (cant rem how to spell, cant be bothered) with finding ways to curl my hair again cause i just went for a haircut and it just reminded me how freaking straight my hair is! argh.

ok i know what you guys are thinking, a lot of ppl would love to have that kind of hair. and i have to agree its really not that bad. so i'll resolve to just like it for what it is. hmph.

the big 21

2006-03-12T23:12:00.000+08:00

OOoooo.. look! its the year where we all (well, most of us) turn 21.

was shopping online for a friend but stuff the few of us were thinking of was just kinda out of budget 0_0

maybe we will just do something personalised and funky.. hmm

anyway while shopping, i found the fragance that my fren was wearing the other day..which i totally love!
allure by chanel~
but its sooo expensive! (its like three times the prize of kenzo or something)

*sigh*
so materialistic and indulgent...
when there are more important things to be done/spent on..

2006-02-18T02:27:00.000+08:00

surya left on the same day too!
reading the farewell gift we made for her

on the train back from airport
hi su! we love you! muacks!

2006-02-18T02:24:00.000+08:00

aft dr leong's house at bus stop. for some random reason we decided to take a picture but delphia was distracted

in church after service :)
from left: jas, me, flo and jeremy
letitia!
pris's farewell present as she returns to aust to cont her studies
no, its not pris in the picture, its marcus

2006-02-18T02:17:00.000+08:00

bible study(well before we were really doing anything)
from left: ian, jasmine, noel
cny service! soe, fren from myanmar
with siblings on the way to grandma's house on cny
mahjong at milton's place on cny

2006-02-18T02:14:00.000+08:00

mandy's 21st bday
edvin's belated 20th bday celebration
sleepover at yan's hall
met up with victor and sumiko

2006-02-18T02:10:00.000+08:00

sec 2a class reunion/bbq
40HOP on 31st (n my bday :))

happy 2006!

2006-01-18T17:03:00.000+08:00

haven't blogged in eons! well things have been happening at warp speed that i just didnt have the energy to write anything.

end of the year 2005 was good! i had a big plan to put pictures up but then i'm too lazy to hunt it down so maybe another day.... hee

didnt plan any celebrations but people have been sweet and bought me cakes and presents and smsed me happy birthday!

thanks giap! for coming down to church just to wish me happy birthday :D
and thank you my sec2 class who hadn't seen me since we graduated when we were 16 and still rem my bday.

and thanks to peche and all my church folks! it's been a crazy journey so far and i know good things are coming our way...

and thanks to God for keeping me near Him always and loving me despite me being a gigantic idiot and a rebellious child..

all you ppl, have a good year ahead :)

2005-11-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

YOUR AMAZING LOVE
Andy & Margaret Ellen Horrocks
Year: 2003 Copyright: Vineyard Songs (Canada) CCLI Catalogue No: 3943290

Whisper in my ear

Tell me one more time

The words I long to hear

That I am forgiven

Hold me in Your arms

Draw me next to You

Safely by Your side I know

That I am forgiven

And I will never truly know just

Why You love me Lord

I am so broken and so desperate

Still You love me more

Lord, I love Your amazing love

There's beauty in the way

You cherish and embrace me

In all my brokenness I know

That I am forgiven

And I lift my hands in worship

At Your throne

And I raise my heart so thankful Lord

For what You've done and

Lord I love Your amazing love
Lord I love Your amazing love

Whisper in my ear

Tell me one more time

The words I long to hear

That I am forgiven

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my sis helped me to load up the music!!!
i love this song because it means so much :)
and now i can share it with you guys!! hee~~~

casshern

2005-11-03T22:24:00.000+08:00

watched this 2 nights back.

it's so beautifully bizzare that i couldnt get it out of my head.

it is entirely CGI except for the actors (think sky captain) but its a lot more bizarre than sky captain.

visually, it was like having a sumptous buffet. there were so many elements thrown in that i think my eyeballs were having a sensory overload.

it starts with serious post-apocalytic settings that ringed of WWII and then, there were these silly ridiculous looking armies of robots that i'm pretty sure would fit into a gorillaz mtv and then there were these characters whom i thought jumped in from Final Fanasty X, Power Rangers and King of Fighter arcade game. and the leads still manage to look stunningly beautiful all throughout 0_0

but the plot was so badly written and directed, i wasn't surprised to find out that
1)it's a debut by the writer/director
2)the writer/director is a photographer and shoots MTV (hence the great visuals heh)

but i was(!) surprised to find out he's Utada Hikaru's husband (she's a pop singer in Japan if you didn't know)

still... watch it for the fun of it. best to get lots of friends to laugh at the stupid plot and to Oooo over the male and female lead (they're seriously seriously gd-looking) and well...just for a breath of fresh air from Hollywood.

:)

hiya!

2005-10-28T13:19:00.000+08:00

i want chewing gum!

i've decided that it would be a good strategy to tackle my on-going battle with nail-chewing. my friends (who were flashing their new french manicures in my face) actually came up with a chupa-chup lollipop plan to stop my nail-biting (because then my mouth gets busy and my teeth will drop out soon after) but i figured sugar-free gum is a good way to go when i'm stressed and about to attack my nails...

unfortunately, singapore bans gum so hmmm.... (if anyone from the government is monitoring my blog, let me say first n foremost, i am not planning to break any laws. serious.)

sorry for those who left a comment in my blog and i didn't reply! i would have loved to but my com died on me :( since then, i purchased a new dell desktop and i finally have decent ram speed and memory space!! yeah~~~

school's been so slack for me... if anyone out there is thinking of going mdis, let me inform you that we only have 2 and a 1/2 weeks of school and for the next one and a half month before your exam, you get a study break. it's not as bad as i make it sound really, cause in the meantime i have to do 5 application papers that consist of half the grades for the module but i do feel like i have a lot more free time as compared to my peers in nus or ntu (that'll be the government-sponsored unis in S'pore) but amazingly i feel like so many things have happened in the past 2/3 months...

nothing traumatic but...

one thing that has been moving at whiz speed has been my walk with God. i don't really know what to say about it so i wont elaborate.

second thing has been the cell group in church that i've been with for the past 3 or 4 yrs. God impressed on our hearts for unity and for love in our group at the beginning of this year, and so some of us started praying for the group.
and in the next 7 (or is it 8?) months, suddenly the group got a lot closer and with the addition of 2 new members, suddenly things changed so much. we talk a lot more and more honestly about things that affect and hurt us. and we spend a lot more time with each other and laugh a lot more.

if you had seen the same group of people for the whole of the past 3 years, honestly, you'll think like me that it's a miracle.

and then God tackles the relationships with people in my life and it's like another journey too.

see~ that's why i didn't touch blogger for so long hehe

that's all for now before i bore (you) with mudane details abt life and such...

God bless~~ :)

woohoo~

2005-08-25T11:04:00.000+08:00

argh... it's nice to just take a break after stressing for 2 days about my graduation proj. (it's juz my advanced dip. and yes, i still have my deg.. dun look so shocked) now that i have taken 4 days off it's time to start doing my oral presentation :P for this coming wed.
*yes, milt, start early right? grinz*

things have been going crazy and good at the same time. my family's been screwy again... oh well let you know the details when i see you mates.. it's kinda semi-dramatic..
sometimes i feel like strangling my dad 0_0

it's good, cause i've finally made peace with God about a lot of things. I've been feeling frustrated and lost for quite a while and God has sorta nudge me back to just seeking Him and knowing Him. it's a bit like sitting down and talking to your dad, which is well, relaxing.

one of the things that i finally understood is just to let God be God.
i've been worrying abt friends, abt family, abt my own inadequencies in my walk, as a friend blah blah blah, and i was praying and seeking answers from God.

What should i do? what should i do?!??

and the answer came to me was just to let God do His job.

Love your friends, He said. Tell the truth in love.
but other than offering a listening ear when they need it, and comforting them in times of bad, you can't do anything else for them.

it's between them and God.
let God do his job, He's definitely proficient enough.

you may think that, hey, the person hasn't changed at all, hasn't gotten better, and hell, it's frustrating.

but that's God's business, not yours.

family is another issue. i think everyone's family is a little bit messed up one way or another. As God leads, do your part as a son/daughter.

let the rest do their roles which also means, if they mess up, they answer for it themselves too.

want them to change? that's God's job again.

feeling that myself was not up to the standard, i fret about it. i know what i need to do, but i can't get it done.

I can't change myself, not matter how hard i'll try.

you don't believe me? try changing something about yourself that you deem important. more often than not, you realise you either hit a brick wall or you're always back to sq 1.
again... you know the drill.

so in the end, what is your job?
be a child of the Father's.

seek Him, love Him, and abide in Him.

sounds pretty easy, uh.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthews 11:28-30

of course, that doesn't mean you don't love everyone around you. God plainly tells you to love those around you, so don't try to weasel out of it.

As God leads, edify those around you and just love them for who they are.

well, that's the big lesson that i learnt. it's a weight off upon my shoulder really, because now i know i don't have to be responsible for everything and i know Someone else better is doing it.

God is good. all the time.

2005-08-18T20:56:00.000+08:00

If I should ever doubt Your love,
My only hope would be
That You would keep Your rugged cross
Etched upon my memory

2005-08-16T12:33:00.000+08:00

remember there was a post and i was stressing about my essay??
and the exam?? the one where i only had two days to write my essay and prepare for exam??

i have a 'B' for that module!!!!!!!

i can't believe it! Thank You, God, for pulling me through that period... honestly without His grace, i'm pretty sure i wouldn't have done so well...

i was expecting a 'C' cause it was really last-min work...

Praise to the Lord!!!!!!

my father made eggs today

2005-08-14T16:14:00.000+08:00

my father, knowing that we(my younger sis and I) had to wake up especially early for church today (because i had a rehearsal before service) made half-boiled eggs for us.

it's kinda weird, because i hardly speak to my dad or even interact with my dad except for the occasional car drive to bring us to church.

i guess it kinda reminded me that my dad's love language is acts of service. I know he really tries hard in his own way but alas, if only he knew that the short conversation we had this morning (about my mum talking abt church service, long story) was worth a lot more than all the food he buys for us, and all the drives to our church.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've been agonizing over what to buy for yiqi and del's bday for almost a month!

*i'm so sorry, gals!*

can i just sell out and ask out right what you gals want? then i don't have to think anymore hehe...
(and no, yiqi, i don't think i can pay for your braces even though i know you want them)

or maybe i can be cheap and make vouchers for them!

a voucher for del could say: one month's worth of remembering everything that you said (i'm so sorry... i know lately it looks like i haven't been listening!)

and a voucher for yiqi could be: one month's worth of daily sms verses??

i don't know... what do you think?

2005-08-08T12:56:00.000+08:00

THANK YOU FOR THE CROSS
Key: A   Mode: Worship


A
Thank You for the cross
           D
The mighty cross
    Bm7                Bm
That God Himself should die
           E
For such as us
    A
And everyday we're changed
          D
Into Your image
A        Bm7
More and more
   D
Yes by the cross
            E         A     D E
We've truly been transformed


         E     A
And we're so amazed
       A   D    Bm7
And we give You praise
    Bm7
That You would save us
          A   E D A
At such a cost
     E     F#m7 F#m
We're so amazed
      A    D       Bm7
And we give You praise
       D  E  D  E   F#m
For the power of the cross
      Bm7 C#m7 D   E   A
For the power   of the cross

season of praises

2005-08-07T15:50:00.000+08:00

went for Festival of Praise last night!

HooWhoo!~

i love rock music. i love praises to the Lord. both combined is even better. Why should the devil have all the good tunes? :P

going to big Christian worship events, you can always be reassured of a atmosphere of high energy and loud praises. I remembered the first time i went to a big Christian event (a hillsong concert!) where members from all denominations and churches attended, i was shocked by the way people held up their hands and sing with such fervour or just started jumping to the faster songs.

then again, i figured if people can hold out their hands and sing and jump around when clubbing or attending a concert, why can't we express our joy when we praise the Lord?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it does give a high, doesn't it. the whole thing about singing praises to the Lord with a kick-ass guitar riff. but all this is just a flash in the pan. how close we are to God, how much we really adore God is reflected in our heart.

it's one thing to sing: "You are the way, the truth and the life." and then to depend on other things or someone else to fill that empty hole in your life.

and another to sing : "I'm hopelessly devoted to You" when you can't really be bothered to seek Him and know more about Him.

i almost did get carried away last night. it almost became a hey-let's-have-fun-and-rock-it-out if i didn't force myself to concentrate on what i was singing and what it really meant to me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

but, yes, i do want to praise God. in fact, there are many things for me to be thankful of.

Many years ago, i was the one asking: "Is there anything else better?"

Crying out to a God i knew existed but never really knew.

and there is.

Without realising, i have friends now.
Sisters of mine in Christ, whom i share things that i never dreamt that one day i would tell anyone, and i know, that they too keep me a close confidate. Thank you, God, for del and flo, for their extended hands in this crazy journey of life, and for just puzzling things out together or just laughing at stupid things.

Old classmates from my JC class whom i dare say we have a long lasting and concrete friendship in times to come. Thank you,God, for Yiqi and Janet.

And many others, that i have not mentioned. Don't kill me for not mentioning you, you do have a place in my heart. Thank you, God for them as well.

Thank You, God, for family.

For letting things become less dysfunctional. and for working Your way in everyone's heart.
For my extended family in Christ. For peche and for the many seniors that i look to for advice.

And lastly, thank You, God, for letting me know truly, the greatness of Your love.
For reminding me when i forget, and for showing me, that only You can satisfy and that You alone is enough.

if you've seen one wolf, you haven't seen them all

2005-08-05T12:56:00.000+08:00

i was amazed again by Sesame Street.

for those who don't know, my 5-year-old brother watches it almost religiously every weekday, so when i hear something interesting i would watch for a while.

today, sesame street began with the Big Bad Wolf chasing the Three Little Pigs down Sesame Street. Big Bad Wolf huffs and puffs and he blows down a sign, the mail at the post office and the letter U that Elmo and Rosita were building.

As Rosita and Elmo were reconstructing the letter U, Big Bad Wolf's brother, Leonard, comes along looking for BBW. Rosita and Elmo, seeing that he was a wolf, tells him to go away.
Gina comes along and asks Elmo and Rosita why they were being so unfriendly, and they say that 'wolfs huff and puff and blow things down, and one had just came along and blow our letter U down!'

But Leonard protests: "I am a wolf, but I don't huff and puff like my brother does! Just because one wolf huffs and puffs, it doesn't mean all wolves do."

Gina chimes in that there are different kinds of wolves, just like there are different kinds of monsters.

Leonard agrees: "I don't always do the same thing as my brother! I'm not a huffer and puffer. Why, I don't even chase pigs! I do play canasta with them every Thursday. And that's not all! On Tuesdays, I practice the violin. On Wednesdays, chess -- followed by tai chi! Yes, there's lots of things to do if you're not so busy huffing and puffing."

BBW then comes along and Leonard tells him firstly, to go home for dinner at 7 and then secondly,that he shouldn't huff and puff because he was spoiling things in Sesame Street. BBW apologizes, Elmo and Rosita apologizes to Leonard and everythings end in a song and dance routine about how "If you've seen one wolf, it doesn't mean you have seen them all!"

a simple story to educate children about prejudice.

and how atonishingly apt for current times.

today's guest of honour was Kofi Atta Annan, the Secretary-General of United Nations.

Yap. My jaw dropped too.

He appeared in the monster's music segment where everyone was fighting to sing the Alphabet Song, and he encouraged everyone to "do things together".

it's kinda sweet, watching shows like this, reminding you that somewhere in the TV world, they are spreading honest and good old golden values.

Quote taken from Tough Pigs. You can also get more info on episodes about Sesame Street there.
http://www.toughpigs.com/myweeksesame2003.htm

habitual complusion

2005-07-31T20:49:00.000+08:00

i stayed up till 3am in the morning yesterday trying to finish a novel.

i can't help but want to finish a novel in one sitting. which is fine when most of my novels are about 200 odd pages (taking me about 2hrs) but neil gaiman's american gods was 465 pages =_=

it's a bad complusion. almost like nail-biting (which i do). i forgot to eat dinner till my mum called me out of my room at 8.30pm. i remembered to watch my fave TV show at 9pm but i couldn't help but go back to the book when it ended at 11pm. and when i gave my eyes a rest and saw the clock at 1am...

i thought about going to sleep for 2 whole seconds. and then i continue reading.
even though i was suppose to wake up at 7.30am the next day.

and what sucks the most was that the novel wasn't worth all that time and my missed church service this morning. it was so unsatisfying. not that's it's a bad novel really. i guess i was expecting a lot more.

darn my stupid habits and my weak will.

anyone knows how to get me off my nail-biting complusions?

blogs and those who writes them

2005-07-22T12:55:00.000+08:00

my fren says if i want people to leave a mark on my blog i should have a tagboard or else it would have been too troublesome. but i find it too troublesome to put up a tagboard because i can't read html and i'm using mozilla as my internet browser which has different measurements for website.

oh well.

talking about making ripples in bloggosphere, one of my favourite stranger-blogger (whose blog i read rather faithfully) has decided to become omniscent in blogger space. so i decided to give him a hand.

his name is Kevin M.Trudo and he lives in Illinois. He likes small and shiny things. I don't know if he hoards them like a magpie. He doesn't seem to do anything much for a living except play in bands, smokes a lot (i think), cusses a lot, seems to like alcohol pretty much, has depression at times, and self-deprecating but in a funny and witty kinda way.i like him.

infact, i think i just like funny-and-witty self-deprecating musical smoking alcoholics who live in Illinois. because i like his friend Larry Andersen too. He used to play proper gigs (like concerts and stuff) but he quit and he misses it. He also keeps a fish whom he named Gus and he reckons it has twice as much personality as a dog. He's brutally honest when he writes and he cares about his sister and his girlfriend.

so if you have the time, pass by their blog space. you might like what you see.

Kevin M.Trudo
smallshinythings
http://www.smallshinythings.blogspot.com

Larry Andersen
http://www.larryintheburbs.blogspot.com/

sesame street

2005-07-20T13:05:00.000+08:00

guess who guest star in the music segment for sesame street today?

backstreet boys!!! (or is it men by now?)

they look old~ everyone seems to have age significantly except for bryan who somehow still looks the same.

it's kinda sweet in a jaw-dropping way..

"they're back?! aaahhhh!!! i can't believe it! hey look~ bryan's hugging elmo! how sweeettttt...."

a song that speaks from the heart

2005-07-18T22:08:00.000+08:00

on sunday, my church had a guest artist from australia.
she sang a song during service that she wrote for her sister's 21st birthday, so that her sister could sing it for friends. i believe the message from this song comes from not just mine, but many of the hearts of those who were there.

for my friends, whom i earnestly wish to see with me, in eternity.

Eternity
Words & Music by Deb Fung
Copyright © 2002 Deb Fung
for my sister Bec on her 21st & those close to my heart

My friend you are the apple of my eye
Light in my heart
I don’t know if you know how much
You mean to me
Each day I pray for you
That Jesus reaches you
For you know that I want you with me in eternity

I see your heart / And I believe in you
You’re set apart
For the One who made you made me
Cross paths with you

As we do life together
Can you just always remember
I am here for you

When you feel tired
When you feel lonely, uninspired
Lift your eyes to heaven
There, friend is your Comforter and Strength
When you rejoice in blessing
Something in you might start guessing that God is watching over you

If I have failed to show you accurately
I’m in love with the God who loves me more than anything
And it’s not like He has chosen to just favour me
I was just blessed to have somebody share His love with me

My friend you are the apple of my eye
Light in my heart
I don’t know if you know how much
You mean to me
Each day I pray for you
That Jesus reaches you
For you know that I want you with me in eternity...

http://www.debfung.com

dun be shy and leave a reply!

2005-07-18T21:13:00.000+08:00

after talking to both kenneth (the other day) and keng hui (today) i realised that a lot more people read my blog than i thought so. so then how come i don't get any comments?!

please... drop a tag. let me know that the cyber world isn't that cold and empty *sob*

2005-07-15T13:30:00.000+08:00

at mos burger! from left:pauline,yiqi,kenneth. when i requested for a grp photo, both pauline and kenneth instantly took off their glasses *look at the table!* so vain~ haha...

2005-07-15T13:28:00.000+08:00

pauline and me! she kept complaining that she looked bad in glasses. haha...so pretty already, still complain.

2005-07-15T13:25:00.000+08:00

fmss reunion! from left:kenneth,yiqi and me.

2005-07-15T13:24:00.000+08:00

bought the skirt at $23. my long pearl necklace which i had been looking for at only $9!

2005-07-15T13:22:00.000+08:00

material is soft and pretty.i like.

2005-07-15T13:21:00.000+08:00

new top i bought the day before! been looking for this kind of style. a touch of pretty-ness and spring...very different from what i always wear. does it look like my template? hee~

sesame street and shopping

2005-07-15T12:55:00.000+08:00

the thing about having a five-year-old brother is that you get sesame street on the TV.
today they had destiny's child singing with elmo and two other puppet monsters..
*i got a neeewww walk! walk, walk.*

it's kind of fun to watch singers dress down and hang with the monsters... they had goo goo dolls the other time 0_0

i went out shopping with pauline and yiqi yest, and we bumped into a ex fmss/pj mate, kenneth. guy had an off day from army and was just relaxing, so we dragged him off to go shopping with us. poor guy had to spend his precious and rare off-day sitting outside shops waiting for us.
*sorry mate!*

bugis village shopping was great! highly reccomended for teens... the stuff are ahead in its trends, offering stuff that are hot in fashion spots like hongkong,taiwan,japan and korea and the prices are great! they even had cool and authentic streetwear but of course the prices are a bit high.
needless to say, i blew my budget *further* but who could resist when you see great stuff at such good prices!?

i will start exercising my self-control from today onwards.
*look of determination*
really...

0.0

2005-07-12T18:53:00.000+08:00

i'm stressed.

and most of the stress, ironically, is because the stress level was hyped up high too fast.

it began when i checked my schedule to see what time my exam would be on friday. and then i realised exam is not on friday.
it is on wednesday.
which is tomorrow.

and then i panicked and checked the due date of my assignment.
it's not due on friday.
it's due on wednesday.
which is tomorrow.

my stress hormones went up so fast that i got petrified and started reaching for comfort food. (the record now is gazillions of logans, two time-outs, half a bar of cadbury chocolate and french fries. all that before dinner.)

and i tried rushing my assignment.
writer's block. *grimace*

then i tried studying. but pulling out information online wasn't working so i skimp through the very skimpy notes and i realised there wasn't much to study.
maybe my regular book and magazine reading would save me.

and then i still couldn't do my assignment. i was positively twitching by then. i cancelled piano class today and decided not go for bible study. and i tried to sleep hoping that it would make my block go away.

bad idea.

so i figure i'll try blog therapy. and between all this i prayed. pray for God for assurance so i would stop panicking.

and just to relax myself further, i read other blogs and got persuaded to download Firefox browser because my IE was conking out on me.

ok... it's time to get down to work.
thanks for reading all this. ha.

again

2005-07-11T18:54:00.000+08:00

i'm blogging for the second time today..

treasure this rare moment because it might never happen again.

i have come to realise that when i spend my time productively (meaning not stoning in front of TV or the computer) i actually have pockets of free time.

hey...that means the day actually seems longer when i get things done! Oooo...

and so...my pockets of free time are, in the end, used for surfing and in turn to blogging because i found something to blog about.

anyywaaay, i was surfing around a friend's blog (delphia) when i clicked on her picture galleries. i never go to my friends' galleries (because forgotten or otherwise) and heck, i'm glad i did.

there were pictures from years back when we went on a mission trip to cebu. when we were planning a birthday surprise for mandy (my idea my idea!) and when i had my birthday last year.

it kinda make me regret that i never treasure photos that much because it's true about photos bringing back memories. i can picture, even feel snatches of the past.
and i remember so much... that i can't believe i had forgotten.

so why aren't the photos here?

because i'm super un-photogenic hence i'm very embarrassed about it being on public space. i hate looking at photos of myself. why the heck m i not more glam and beautiful and photogenic? argh...

at least my personality makes up for it right?
*collective gags all around*

*pout*

*erhem* well.

so thank you, delphia. For putting up the photos and let it collect dust-bytes so that months and years later, someone (moi)can look at it and remember.

:)

another day at the computer

2005-07-11T15:48:00.000+08:00

i had milo mixed with coffee and a few raspberry tarts that i love. and then my youngest bro sort of needled me to take some chocolate of his.

bad idea. now i feel like i need to gag.

after googling people+reading+fiction on google for my assignment, i stumbled onto a website with links to many (free) short stories. everyone bemoans the lack of outlets, lack of publishers interested, and lack of money coming from it, so they just put up a webpage and do it for free. voila.

from here, i would like to agonize over whether i should consider writing as a future career (articles, short stories, novels,whatever) and then talk about problems facing it (nobody reads anymore, pay's not stable but i like it and i spend so much time reading stories anyway blah blah blah) but really, i think i will just share a short story i just stumbled onto.

you may not like it because it's weird. i'm not even sure if it's supposed to mean anything. it could, if you let it, i suppose.

here, enjoy.

Sea Change
By Michael P. Belfiore, illustration by Dee Rimbaud
http://www.strangehorizons.com/2002/20020304/sea_change.shtml

hmz...

2005-07-11T01:33:00.000+08:00

There are many times when i want to write a post but instead, when staring at the blank screen, i scratch the idea and log out.

perhaps, truth is, no matter how chattery, loud, flamboyant i can be at times, i am actually a private person. possibly even more zealously protective of my inner space than most.

that definitely makes me a unlikely candidate for a blogger.

so what the heck am i doing here?

it all started when...

2005-07-08T14:18:00.000+08:00

i logged on msn and one of my classmate's nick was "goodbye ivan, my friend".

uh-huh. so what, you ask?

it didn't really register in my mind either, till i logged onto friendster and saw a bulletin from other friend that titled, "Dear GESSians; for ivan" (both friends were from Gan Eng Seng Sec Sch).

Something clicked. i thought, "no way. same guy?"

so being a curious cat, i clicked.

and in the end i found myself reading messages and looking of pictures of a boy,my age, who had just passed away.

so is that a big deal? a passing away has become a common order of the day, no thanks to news and all.

but it's a little bit more disturbing when you realise that you know someone who spoke to this guy. and you see all this people talking about the little things he did, conversations he had with someone, and you could just picture him in your head.

he's a little like that guy you said 'hi' to in school but you never really knew well, maybe you have friends who know him, or maybe you actually had a short period of interaction and when he comes up in your mind, you kinda hope he will do ok years down the road.

and it hits you. we move on so fast with our lives and surrounded by so much 'white noise' that we neglect to just take a moment and really think about what it is really all about. why do we do what we do now? do we know? or do we just get caught up in the motion?

here's to a guy who was a friend, a brother, a son, and a brother in Christ.
God bless Ivan, who's probably dancing with the angels now.

http://www.imoi.blogspot.com/

midnight owl

2005-06-30T13:00:00.000+08:00

yesterday was my first debut at mambo night.

but really, apart from the cheesy moves that accompanied songs like "i could be so lucky...lucky, lucky,lucky",
getting bored because singaporeans like to stand around at times (during clubbing...why?!?!),watching girls getting it on with both guys and gals, and getting hit around by the crowd and the drunk, the real fun perhaps was in meeting friends both current and those long-not-seen ones.

by sheer chance, i met both surya and del (with mark) and found out that debrobah was there (even though i didn't see her). we didn't hang out but hey, it's great to see you gals there.

when the night ended, the three of us, jc mates (linda and sandy), bumped into a jc mate we knew(ashik), and a old sec sch mate(cho weihao)which two of us(sandy and me) knew and they happened to be army mates in the same supposedly elite officers unit. when told tht they both had gained weight, both current supposedly elite officers then proceeded to suck in their cheeks for as long as they could. ah.. our futures are in the hands of such young and bright people.

you all redeemed the night for me. really great to see you guys. really.

blessed be your name

2005-06-29T13:13:00.000+08:00

Blessed be Your name in the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow,
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name when I’m found in the desert place,
Though I walk through the wilderness, Blessed be your name

Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord, Still I will say

Chorus:
Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name when the sun’s shining down on me
When the world’s “all as it should be”
Blessed be Your name

And blessed be Your name on the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I’ll turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in Lord, Still I will say

Chorus:
Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord, Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say,
Lord, blessed be Your name...

gentle and gracious

2005-06-29T12:55:00.000+08:00

for those who don't know, i'm currently serving in a community outreach ministry at my church called faithacts.

for the past few weeks, without fail, i have been amazed by the gentleness and consideration of some of the people i meet there.

hanging out there, i have come to realise that being gentle doesn't been you have to be "sissy" or "gu niang". i can think of a few examples but somehow...they don't seem to really pin down the 'gentleness' down very well.

but i do know, being with them, it's feels easy and natural and somehow warm and happy as well.

God asks that we be gracious and edify one another with speech (and actions). These people have definitely shown that to me.

Thanks.

meme

2005-06-28T00:15:00.000+08:00

so a meme is something like "me! me! i wanna do it too!" or smthing like tht?

5 things I miss about childhood

*erm...what happens if i didn't really like my childhood?* ok nvm...i'll juz try la uh.

1.nursery

i actually have distinct memories though few of my times in nursery. there was this silly exercise thing that we had to do every morning..i think if i rem correctly... i seem to recall that it was fun. and i had fun playing catching and stuff too... to prove it, i found a photo few years back of myself in the nursery uniform with a few kids and a minder. i was beaming a thousand watt grinz. hehe.

2.playtime

having playtime! playing with toys in the mini bathtub, building sandcastles or just plain catching during school... now sch is soooo boring... now i know why they say your brain cells die faster when you get older. because everything gets more boring.

3.colouring

i really like colouring. and of course it helps that i always got an 'A'! hee~

4. Jiajun

he was a friend i made in pri3 *i think* i can't recall how exactly we became frens...i think maybe because he was sitting in front of me during class? i rem he was fanatic about road runner. that guy had all the tapes for road runner cartoons....and he even lent me some to watch. he could imitate the *beep beep* of the road runner exactly and he could even draw road runner exactly like in the show. i've lost contact with him when we moved up standards... hope he's doing fine now.

5. bus trips home with the usual gang

i rem always taking buses home with this few ppl but only 2 now stands out in my mind. both guys happen to live near me..incidentally one lives 2 floors above me and the other lives in the block just about 400m away. we always ended up taking the same bus back and at the same though we were in different classes. and by an unspoken agreement, we always near each other and started conversations. it had a ring of bondship that is hard to find nowadays. It just seem like ppl had a wall of defence around themselves instead of the carefree innocence that ruled our behaviour when we were younger. anyway since graduation from sch, i hardly see the guy upstairs and only bump into the other one occasionally.

The rules: remove the #1 item from the following list, bump everyone up one place and add your blog's name to the #5 slot, like this:

everyone worship princess ange

party up

delarium

His love changes me

pure.thoughts.create

yiqi, janet and milton, you're tagged!

God completes me

2005-06-24T19:42:00.000+08:00

this afternoon i woke up from a strange dream.

dreams which left me craving for warmth and touch.

Four years ago, i chose to make God my refuge. I was at a friend's house that day. Amanda's, whom I had known since 10 and whom i had named my younger sister after.

I was at her house because I had ran away from home. (hey, i'm not encouraging anyone to do it...juz to let you know, i'm a very anti run-away-from-home person.) trust me when i said i really needed to do it.

my parents and i always had a very strained relationship. being a young girl walking into teenhood and being generally very frustrated, confused and unsure, like any other girl, i had always wanted warmth, support, advice from my parents, especially my mother.

Unforunately, my mother was exactly the kind of person who didn't know how to show that. i hardly spoke to her because i realised that when i did, she either didn't get it, or she ignores what i said and start nagging about something. my father was hardly at home and when he was around, he never could mediate the situation anyway.

it's strange growing up like this. i craved warmth and care. and yet i told myself that i didn't need it, that i just needed to be strong. so much pride uh, for one who was young and ignorant.

when life got more frustrating (with onset of puberty, i honestly think i got angry a lot easily)i just wanted to find a place where i could seek refuge. since killing myself was out of the qn (i was in a christian sch at tht time n i knew that killing myself might send myself to a very undesirable place), i opt for numbing myself.

But the need for a somebody who cared never really left.

and i became the very person that i talked about (in the previous post). thinking that another can complete me.

so why did i change my mind? because of what amanda told me that night. because she told me, " No matter what happens, God will take care of you."

And that night, all the up-pent frustrations, cracking defences, pain and numbness went out of the window. i just cried and became a normal little girl again.

and i gave God everything.

my brokenness, my life, my worries, my desperation.

And He taught me things.

He taught me to see how my mother was broken and needy too. My mother and I will probably never make it to "Chicken Soup for the Soul" but i don't hate her anymore for not being the mother that i need.

He taught me to stop worrying. because He can provide everything. (hey...He is God, you know)

He healed my brokeness and gave me a new life. I'm able to live now. Instead of being just a zombie, living from day to day, and wondering where all this will lead to, i live with a purpose and with laughter.

The race isn't over yet though. There are always things trying to get me down. Today's afternoon dream was evidence of that. And yes, from time to time, i do take God for granted, and looked elsewhere for my refuge.

So what's the pt of all this, you ask, irritated that you have been tricked into reading all this for the past 5 mins.

Because i wanted my friends from church who are struggling to know that they are not alone in this war for their souls.

Because i wanted my friends who never knew Christ, to know what He is.

And most of all, i needed to remind myself, why i had chosen this path, and why i will still continue to take it.

Because He completes me.

You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same.
You are amazing, God
You are amazing God

you don't complete me

2005-06-22T22:37:00.000+08:00

this has been on my mind for a really long time... i'm sorry my dear friends who are reading this... please allow me my space to rant this out.

i have been thinking in general of the female pysche. not that it's surprising, considering that i am female. there are so many out there whom i know (some quite closely or otherwise) who are looking for that person who they can fall in love with.

One classmate (who was actively looking for a boyfren) said that romantic love is just different from friendship. once you had it, it's something that you continue wanting.

There are others who believe that only with a partner, they can finally be complete. That life is nothing without the love.

it's not that i'm anti-romance. like any other girl, i want at one point in my life to fall in love with a great guy, get married and start a new stage of my life being a wife.

but, i don't believe a girl needs a partner to be complete.

we, girls, are vulnerable. when the world is going crazy, we want someone to be there to take care of us and feel that everything is just going to be ok.

but, who in the world can do that? guys (or girls), unfortunately, like us girls are humans as well, have flaws and are imperfect. they can only be at best, your fellow warrior in this mess, but never ever your refuge.

it's hard. to find that place where you can keep yourself sane, that place where you can find new strength and encouragement. but don't take the easy way out and pin your hopes on a person who probably has enough problems of his/her own. because you will end up finding yourself chasing something that wasn't there in the first place.

Don't let yourself be defined by the (romantic) relationship or lack of it, because really, you can be so much more...

carried by his grace

2005-06-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

it has been turning over in my mind for a while and now i think it's has settled enough for me to be coherent about it.

for a long while, i have been feeling really stressed.

it's not about school work, really.

i find myself running as fast and as much as i could for God because i really wanted to please Him. But i found myself crying to God and telling Him, "Father, I'm really really stressed!" I always felt like i wasn't doing enough; that i wasn't making enough effort to reach my parents, that i wasn't making enough effort to grow in my musical talent for Him, that i wasn't doing enough to reach my friends.

And sometimes, i berate myself for thinking things that i know wouldn't please Him, like how i would lose patience with friends that were struggling with their faith, and how i compare my spiritual life with others too, and from here i swing between "Oh man... why can't she just..?" to "I shouldn't be thinking this way... it's not loving them! God would not be pleased." And sometimes i would think "i wish i could grow to the standard of **, he/she's just so **" and so then i will push myself more.

But one day, at a music ministry retreat, i was given this article. In it, the author speaks of the exact same symptons(which i've mentioned above)that she suffered. And she said, "God does not need us to be strong, reliable, or even zealous."

and i went "huh?"
isn't obeying and serving God what He wants?

And so God broke me down as I read on.

The truth is, being a Christian, we do serve God and obey Him. But i had come to a point where i thought that i needed to prove myself worthy of the inheritance He had given to me freely. I had forgotten that being a Christian is not just about being saved and finding a purpose and fulfillment, it was about enjoying God's love as His child.

And i was putting burdens on my shoulders and slogging away instead of just sitting down at His feet and just enjoying who He was and the intimacy of a close relationship.

At the end of the article, the author shares a vision she was given.

"In it, my heavenly Father holds out His hand inviting me to dance with Him. I take it, but find myself stumbling, going one way while He goes another. As i look up at Him in frustration, He whispers, "It's ok. You're just a little girl. Why don't you put your feet on My feet and we'll dance.

And so I do, feeling the overwhelming wonder of being moved by His strength. But still i turn my head this way and that, trying to see where we are going and making no mistakes. Then He gently picks me up. carrying me in His arms, He presses my face against His chest saying, "it's ok, just close your eyes now. Rest your head here, and listen to my heartbeat.

As we move together, I experience the deep and abiding rest that can only be found in my Father's embrace. I delight in each step of the dance He lovingly choreographed for me before the world began."

Deeply touched, i cried. From having to be strong, i put down the burdens and the strength from my shoulders and just laid it down at His feet. I do continue to serve Him wherever He calls me, but i have learnt that when doing that, I surrender it all to His mercy and grace. It's not about me anymore.

and that the most important thing really, is just simply...being His child and to be carried by His grace.

personality test!

2005-06-11T22:26:00.000+08:00

http://bloginality.love-productions.com/index2.php

try it! it's amazingly detailed and accurate

btw i'm an ENTP

this is what happened the year i was born!

2005-05-27T10:50:00.000+08:00

Ronald Reagan is president of the US
Live Aid, a 17 hour rock concert broadcasts worldwide from London and Philadelphia, raising $70 million for starving Africans
An 8.1 magnitude earthquake hits Mexico City and results in about 25,000 deathsVocano "Nevada del Ruiz" erupts near Bogota, Columbia causing mud slides that bury two towns
American Jew Jonathan Pollard is arrested for giving military secrets to Israel
Mikhail Gorbachev becomes Soviet leader
New Coke is released on the 99th anniversary of Coca-Cola
The GNU Manifesto first written by Richard Stallman
Kansas City Royals win the World series
San Francisco 49ers win Superbowl
XIXEdmonton Oilers win the Stanley Cup
Back to the Future is the top grossing film
Less Than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis is published
David Lee Roth leaves Van Halen to begin a solo career
"Careless Whisper" by Wham! spends the most time at the top of the US charts
Elmo is introduced on Sesame Street
The Golden Girls and Growing Pains premiere

hmm...

2005-05-27T10:27:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to be revising for my exam this afternoon but ended up reading yiqi's blog and i saw this quiz so...

Your #1 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer
You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!
You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #2 Match: ENTP

The Visionary
You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression.You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything.Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off.You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments.
You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

Your #3 Match: ESFP

The Performer
You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others.A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic.You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally.You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic.
You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your #4 Match: INFP

The Idealist
You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world.Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships.It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close.But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop.
You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #5 Match: ENFJ

The Giver
You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down.You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine.
You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

What's" Your Personality Type?

the things my friend(s) put me through

2005-05-24T11:36:00.000+08:00

now that you've put it this way... guess there's no way i can get out of this uh. oh well, anything to put off my inevitable assignment...

Here's the game. Choose five occupations from the list below and fill in the blanks. If I tag you, you're supposed to answer in your own weblog. If you don't want to, let me know so I can tag someone else.

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an inn-keeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be an astronaut...
If I could be a world famous blogger...
If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...
If I could be married to any current famous political figure...

If I could be a chef, i'll make the weirdest dish with the weirdest combination and it'll taste great! and all my friends will have to come over for dinner... *evil glint*

If I could be an inn-keeper, I would have an inn by the beach but spend more time enjoying the breeze than doing really anything hehe... hey i could co-own it with deborah and we could both slack together by the breeze.. ahhhhhh....

If I could be a writer, I'll take it as an excuse to travel all round the world and then write to earn my keep.

If I could be a farmer, i'll have a strawberry farm! I'll have a place for hitch-hikers to stay in exchanging for plucking my berries, i'll learn to make strawberry wine, and late at night i'll sit out in my farm to look at the stars...

If I could be a musician, I'll be at a jazz pub every night jamming with my fellow musicians; we will be laughing and talking and it wouldn't seem like work at all...

yiqi and kailing, you're tagged!

2005-05-10T17:08:00.000+08:00

I was in myanmar for 3 weeks on a mission trip in jan this year and met this man, Thomas, who was my team leader's (cathryn) uncle. He was suffering from liver problems at that time and the doctor had said that he didn't have long to live.

He passed away last friday 6th may.

I still remember the day when we (with the mission team) met. He was in obvious pain and discomfort and we sat on his sofa in the living room feeling awkward. Cathryn spoke to him and then later gently directed Khup to speak to him. All was silent except for Khup gesturing and speaking in Burmese, and Thomas listened to Khup shared about Christ, for what must have been the umpteenth(?) time in his life, giving attention but occasionally grimacing in discomfort as he adjusted his position.

He did accept Christ that day.

I had forgotten how touched I was that day. After running away from Him all his life, he has come to accept Him; not because he was near death and was afraid, but because he finally believed that God is God.
And now when I read Cathryn's email announcing that he has passed away, I wonder what he's thinking. Does he remember us? and does he smile when he looks down at all of us, remembering that fateful day?

He may not remember us, but I know he definitely must be smiling.

2005-05-02T13:46:00.000+08:00

woah... another pix taken by my sis...

2005-05-02T13:42:00.001+08:00

i'm blue... tadadee dadada

2005-05-02T13:42:00.000+08:00

i could hear the "Hallelujah" chorus when i saw this... taken by my sister

2005-05-02T13:40:00.001+08:00

one of the incredible hazy days that Singapore suffers from occasionally...

2005-05-02T13:40:00.000+08:00

why was the sun red? reflection of particles? i'm just content with knowing that it's a miracle of nature.

2005-05-02T13:38:00.000+08:00

just uploaded my photos to make space... it was raining on that day when i took this...

2005-05-02T01:29:00.000+08:00

i realised that there are a lot of things that i don't like about myself. i think it's time to just slow down and slowly learn to figure it out.

Quizilla!

2005-04-28T23:36:00.000+08:00

ever tried taking all these funny internet quizzes? the ones that say " what is your personality?" and always ask for your fave colour and such? the ones where you think the quiz is only accurate when they say things like "you are a fun-loving warm popular personality..." and the ones that are bullshit and you never care to remember are the ones that say "you are a boring, dependable person *blah blah*"... oops i can't rem the rest....

2005-04-28T10:57:00.000+08:00

"Travel makes sense only if you come back with an answer in your baggage"

-Leopold

"A Fortune Teller Told Me: Earthbound Travels in the Far East"

I had always wanted to travel. I had never really thought about the reason of why I wanted to, but when I read this, it did strike a chord in me. Perhaps, for me to travel, is the search for answers. The world is so big, and me so small. So many things happen out there, people living different worlds , most that we cannot even imagine; and if I may be able to just touch and feel the edge of their world, maybe then I may be able to bring something from that world back to mine, and it would change mine forever.

2005-04-27T11:45:00.000+08:00

the view from my room window...

watching.behind this glass window.

2005-04-26T12:33:00.000+08:00

in life, as time goes by, we come to a point where we have to make decisions. when we make a decision we take one small step on the road we have chosen to take.

so the older we get, the more decisions we have made, the more steps we have already taken. and even though there was once when we were standing at the same place, both young, impressionable and fresh, now we might be in a place far away from each other.

and now, as i watch you walk down that path, your world becomes more distant... your state of mind, i cannot emphatize and i cannot understand you still choose to walk down that road. that road where it has trapped you into this never-ending spiral of pain and anger. a road where i cannot stop you from walking down. and where the road ends, i'm sure you know it but you won't admit it, is a place where i can only watch and cry for you.

to my dear visitor, john

2005-04-25T19:03:00.000+08:00

his comment read, This reads to me similar to :-"I used to complain that I had no shoe's untill I met a man who had no feet." to fri's post.

i would like to say, well no, it isn't about feeling sorry for myself till i see the greater misfortunes of others. it is about how in this increasingly connected world, we become more disconnected with the people that live with us in the same society. How many of those who are "connected" can claim to even know their neighbours?

and i dun believe that we should sympathize with those who are "less fortunate". not that i'm being cruel here, but when you come to understand their worlds, you will come to realise that though they understand greater pain than most of us, they also understand greater joy than most of us too.

no, they don't need our pity or us to feel sorry for them.

2005-04-25T13:30:00.000+08:00

my brothers...

it's a brand new dawn

2005-04-25T13:16:00.000+08:00

the nearer you are to God, the further you fall.

I guess what has happened is the surest sign that my walk with God has been in a state of spiritual mess. Because i have been too busy, i neglected to sit down and seek God with all my heart... and because i had drift too far from God i had become vulnerable. For the devil prowls around like a lion looking for people to devour.

But i cling onto the hope that God forgives when truly repentant (Jesus has died on the cross for this very purpose) and that if i seek Him with all my heart, He will turn his face back towards me again.

Amazing grace,
how sweet the sound,
that saves a wretch like me.

yes, i am wretched.

my 12 year old brother and his flame

2005-04-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

it's kinda cute really.. my little kiddy brother has finally grown up. Me n my younger sister has been going on forever about how girls will fall over their feet just because he is in basketball and because he's tall... and er.... the funny thing is according to his flame, it is true. there are many girls falling all over their feet for him. which is kinda funny when you think about what a slob and a brat he is at home. Prince charming? *snort*

oh btw, did i mention i got to speak to my brother's first ever crush? yap i did.... i hav been wondering whether she liked him for a while now but i juz found out today tht it's mutual. talking about a unexpected shock. i thought he would only realise that girls r girls after 13. oh well. guess it has to happen sooner or later anyway.

many realities and their reflections

2005-04-22T22:11:00.000+08:00

it struck me today how most of us saw the world in a sanitized, 'glamorous' light. things that are embarrassing always seem to be hidden away or very distant frm us. you know, like that homeless bum you saw at the mall, a kid whom many may not consider normal and his parents who are with him laughing as he fools around, or maybe the families that are struggling with financial issues and having a family night out at the mall.... all these people are living and walking alongside with us but yet it is easy to forget that they are as much part of this world as we are.

suddenly the world comes into focus.

it's a fresh new morning...

2005-04-22T00:44:00.000+08:00

i got sick of looking at my blog so i juz deleted all of it.... yes ALL of it... when i hit the 'delete' button, i did feel this slight twinge of panic *what the hell did i just do?!* just shows how scary i am when i'm in a impulsive mood. i reassured myself by reminding myself that i hardly wrote anyway.... it wasn't like i was burning my journal so i felt a whole better after that...

i took a long time to get this template up.. like it? actually i won't be surprised if noone discovers considering how long since i've updated anything. oh well... for my eyes only then i guess *shrugs* even though i dun really love this skin it does somehow am kinda close to what i'm feeling now... i guess sooner or later i'll grow to love it haha...

never thought i'll be so content with spending so much time and effort on virtual space. but it does kinda feel like i just decorated my room.hmz.